Teachers and students play a game
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: It's similar to Cards Against Remnant, a hilarious story I recommend to everyone, but with several differences. It's not just JNPR and RWBY playing. It's them, CFVY, ABRN, Penny, and some of the teachers. This could only end in hilarity and no one being the same way ever again. Please leave suggestions for cards in either reviews or PMs. Pairings are mostly undecided. AU OOC
1. Chapter 1

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and what if the Teams RWBY, JNPR, CFVY, and ABRN, are stuck inside of Beacon due to heavy snow fall alongside a few teachers and Penny? The only thing to do is play a card game…a Game called Cards Against Remnant. AU OOC Femslash and maybe bashing)**

"Has anyone found anything fun to do yet besides fighting and reading?" Fox asked bored as he kicked his feet up in the cafeteria of Beacon two days into their 'imprisonment'. A heavy snowfall had nearly buried Beacon and trapped three native students, one team of foreign students, a strange ginger haired girl that seemed to be best friends with Ruby, and a few of the teachers inside with not much to do but fight, eat, read, and sleep.

Don't get them wrong, the students loved fighting each other and improving where they could but it got boring after a while.

"Not really." Reese of Team ABRN, the foreign students from Haven, said just as bored as he was.

"Well I found a card game but I didn't want to mention it…" Ruby Rose, leader of first year Team RWBY, said hesitantly and causing everyone to look at her surprised.

"And why ever not Ms. Rose?" Peter Port asked surprised as he stared at the young girl who blushed slightly.

"Well it's a card game…and I didn't want everyone else to be playing it and having fun when Fox can't enjoy it with us. It wouldn't be fair for everyone else to be having fun and he can't for something out of his control…" Ruby said causing Fox and his teammates to smile slightly.

"That was very thoughtful and sweet of you Ruby but don't worry. I can enjoy hearing you guys play, and if that fails then we can always play in pairs. Someone else can be on my team and help me with the cards." Fox said thankfully as he smiled in Ruby's direction, causing her to blink for a second before blushing and looking at the floor.

"I didn't think of that." Ruby said drawing circles in the floor with her foot as she glanced up at them with a blush on her cheeks. Instantly there were eight different squeals as Ruby was practically mobbed by the girls of the team while Glynda Goodwitch was obviously trying not to do the same and Penny was confused at this.

"Why must such a cutie be here at Beacon? Why couldn't you have come to Haven? We'd take good care of you and protect you and-" Reese squealed slightly as she trailed off while hugging Ruby close, causing Ruby's face to turn blue slightly.

"Can't…breath…" Ruby gasped out causing the girls to loosen their grips while the guys were snickering at her predicament and Penny charged forward, pushing the other girls off of Ruby.

"Friend Ruby are you alright? Do you require medical attention?" Penny asked frowning worried as she looked at Ruby who took in several gulps of air before smiling at Penny.

"I'm okay Penny, thank you. I just couldn't breath for a moment. Thanks for helping me out there." Ruby said smiling as she hugged Penny in thanks, earning a smile and small salute from the robot.

"Anytime friend Ruby! If you need any assistance or require aid then just let me know and I'll help! I'm combat ready!" Penny said causing Ruby to giggle at what she had dubbed as Penny's catch phrase.

"I'll keep that in mind Penny! Thank you!" Ruby said mimicking Penny's salute clumsily, and causing the robot to laugh slightly at the attempt.

"Perhaps we can all play this game you found Ms. Rose. We'll all pair up in teams of two and play it for a while." Goodwitch said causing everyone to smile while Ruby blinked, she forgot about the game for a second there!

"So we're pairing up with our partners?" Weiss asked causing everyone to shrug slightly before Ruby had an idea.

"I got a better idea, it'll be more fun! I'll be right back!" Ruby said dashing off quickly and then returning a second later before anyone could even blink. This time though she had a piece of paper cut up into strips, some pens, and a game box in her hands. Obviously it was the card game she mentioned.

"Here! Everyone write their names down on a piece of paper! Instead of pairing up by partners it'll be random! That way we get to know each other better and have more fun!" Ruby said setting down the game on the table beside fox and handing out the pens and slips of paper. Before long everyone had followed Ruby's instructions and Ruby had a pile of papers in front of her with everyone's names on them.

"Hmm." Ruby glanced around for a second before she looked at her cape.

"There now no one can say that I peeked and cheated!" Ruby said happily as she put the slips of paper in the hood of her cape while everyone merely stared.

"You could have asked to use my beret you know?" Coco asked looking at the younger girl slightly amused and slightly confused.

"Nah, that beret must be really important to you so I don't want to ask to use it for something as silly as this! Especially not when I can just use the hood of my cape instead!" Ruby said smiling happily at Coco who looked at her surprised as the little girl in red blinked and tried to reach her hands behind her to get the papers. Most of the girls in the room cooed at how cute Ruby looked, biting her tongue slightly as she tried to reach into her hood but didn't quite manage it. She pouted for a second, making Nora squeal slightly, before she brightened up as she looked at Fox.

"Fox? If I sit down in front of you can you grab the papers from out of my hood and hand me them one at a time? No one can claim that you're cheating!" Ruby asked causing the boy to smile slightly at the excitable girl's exuberance.

"Sure thing kiddo. You mind sitting on the floor in front of my legs so that I don't have to feel around for your hood?" Fox asked causing Ruby to give a perky 'nope' as she sat on the floor in front of the blind boy and leaned back so that her hood was on his lap.

"Thanks kiddo. Now I just have to grab one slip of paper at a time and hand them to you right?" Fox asked for clarification as he reached a hand forward and found Ruby's head, patting it slightly while she beamed up at him. Ruby's perky response had everyone smiling slightly at her, even the teachers. She was easily the cutest student there, and in Beacon in general, and her friendly and happy nature made her a favorite of many people.

"Yep! That's how we'll decide the pairs! Then after the teams are made we can play!"


	2. Chapter 2

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Here's the first paper Ruby." Fox said after fishing around in her hood for a second, holding the slip over the girls head.

"Thank you! Let's see…our first person to be partnered up is…Bolin of Team ABRN!" Ruby said beaming at the boy who blinked at this while others were snickering since Ruby had done that in an announcer's voice.

"His partner is…" Here Ruby stopped when she heard a small makeshift drum roll, causing everyone to snicker as they looked at a smiling Ozpin.

"It seemed to fit the atmosphere." Ozpin said by way of explanation, causing Goodwitch to shake her head in exasperation and amusement.

"Thank you Professor Ozpin! Anyways Bolin's partner is Professor Port!" Ruby announced, causing the teacher mentioned to blink for a second before chortling as he walked over towards Bolin who looked at him.

"Well young man let's try and work together shall we? Ah this reminds me of my youth when-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Professor Port but can you tell us the story later? We have to finish with the teams." Ruby asked looking up at Port wide eyed, causing him to smile down at her.

"Of course Ms. Rose. My apologies for holding you up." Port said warmly to the young girl who smiled at him.

"It's okay. Our next paired off person is…my sister Yang of Team RWBY!" Ruby said grinning as she read off her sisters name.

"Hey try to pair me with one of the hot guys will you two?" Yang called, making a few of the more relaxed and friendly students snicker or laugh.

"Hmmm nope! Let's see. Your partner is…Penny!" Ruby said causing Penny to beam as she walked over to Yang.

"Sal-u-tations acquaintance Yang! I will do my best!" Penny said happily as she saluted Yang who blinked for a second before shrugging.

"Next up is…Coco of Team CFVY!" Ruby said beaming up at the second year team leader who gave her a soft smile back.

"And her partner is…Reese of Team ABRN!" Ruby announced causing the two girls to look at each other before shrugging and standing together.

"Up next we have Weiss of Team RWBY." Ruby said looking at her partner who crossed her arms and huffed slightly.

"And her partner is Jaune of team JNPR!" Ruby said causing Jaune to shrug and stand near Weiss warily while she scowled and glared at Fox and Ruby.

"Up next is Professor Ozpin!" Ruby said looking at the headmaster who sipped his coffee and smiled at her.

"His partner is…Pyrrha of Team JNPR!" Ruby announced causing the girl to blink before she nervously approached the headmaster.

"Relax Ms. Nikos. I don't bite…much." Ozpin said causing a few people to snicker while Pyrrha relaxed slightly at his joke.

"Next up is Yatsuhashi of Team CFVY!" Ruby said causing Yatsuhashi to straighten up slightly at his name.

"His partner will be….Nadir of Team ABRN!" The pink haired boy looked a bit nervous as he approached the giant boy who gave him a slight smile.

"Do not worry. I won't hurt you." Yatsuhashi said gently to the boy who gave him a small smile for his efforts.

"Up next is Velvet of Team CFVY!" Ruby said happily as she looked at the Rabbit Faunus who squeaked at her name being called.

"Her partner is… Ren of Team JNPR!" Ruby said Ren blinked before smiling as he approached the timid Rabbit Faunus and offered her a handshake.

"Nice to be working with you." Ren said while Nora pouted that she wasn't with Ren.

"Y-You too." Velvet said shyly.

"Up next is…hey it's me!" Ruby said grinning at the slip of paper while the five people left in the running paused and looked at each other aside from Fox who was rummaging in the remaining slips of paper almost frantically.

"My partner is…Arslan of Team ABRN! Nice to be working with you!" Ruby said smiling at the Lion Faunus who smiled back as she walked over to sit on the floor beside Ruby.

"Up next is Nora of Team JNPR!" Ruby said when a pouting Fox handed her another slip while Goodwitch and Nora both looked a bit down. They all wanted to partner with Ruby…

"Her partner is Blake from Team RWBY!" Ruby said causing Blake to nearly whimper as she looked at Nora who was babbling a mile a minute as she jumped over and hugged Blake.

"Ren can you please calm her down for a minute?" Ruby asked looking at the martial artist when Nora didn't stop talking for a full minute.

"Nora if you don't stop talking Ruby can't announce the next team and we can't play the game." Ren said calmly, causing his partner to pause for a second before she zipped her lips shut almost cartoonishly.

"And last but not least! Fox of Team CFVY is paired with Professor Goodwitch!" Ruby said happily as Fox fished out the last two slips and Ruby jumped up while Goodwitch sat down beside Fox.

"Well the teams are certainly random." Fox said looking towards Ruby who had moved over to open the box for the game.

"Yep! Usually the rules for this game is that everyone gets ten white cards and the Card Czar picks up a black card and reads it. The players that aren't the Card Czar lay down whichever white card they think is the funniest and whoever is declared the winner by the Card Czard gets the black card as an 'awesome point'. Whoever has the most Awesome points at the end of the game wins!" Ruby explains reading the little white instruction sheet from inside the box.

"So how are we going to do this since we're in teams?" Reese asked for everyone causing Ruby to think about it for a few seconds.

"Well…the teams could just have ten cards, five for each of the members, and the Card Czar can go around the table clockwise which would mean that Professor Ozpin and Pyrrha are the Card Czars first. For the Card Czar…each of the Czars can draw one black card, then they decide between them which one to use. The others will choose between them which card to play and once they agree on one then they'll place it in front of the Czars. After reading all of the white cards the Czars will talk amongst themselves to determine which one they thought was funniest. When they decide they'll announce the winner and then the team that put that card in gets the awesome point! Whichever team has the most awesome points at the end of the game wins! Does that sound okay?" Ruby asked smiling at everyone who stared at her for a moment before they all nodded and began drawing the white cards.

"Well let's get the game started shall we?" Ozpin asked rhetorically as he and Pyrrha each reached forward and picked up a black card.

The game had just began.


	3. Chapter 3

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"I'm not so sure about this game…some of these choices…" Goodwitch said her eye twitching slightly as she looked at the white cards in her hand, whispering into Fox's ear what his said.

"The black cards aren't much better." Ozpin said dryly as he looked at the card in his hand and causing Ruby to blink at her cards.

"I don't get what most of my cards are about…" Ruby said tilting her head slightly confused as she looked at her cards and causing Arslan to blink.

"Our cards are mostly about sex…did you not learn about it?" Arslan asked looking at her partner curiously, a large crash caused everyone to look at Yang whose eyes were nearly glowing red as she glared at Arslan with her fist embedded in the table.

"Nope! One guy back at Signal asked if I wanted to 'have sex' with him but I don't know what that means so I went to ask Yang, she sent me to ask dad while she beat up the boy. Dad turned really pale and then sent me to ask Uncle Qrow who went to find the guy and sent me to ask Yang. When I asked Yang the second time she told me not to worry about it and then kept me locked in my room for four hours while she beat up every guy at Signal, including dad and Uncle Qrow." Ruby said cheerfully innocent as she looked up at the others with wide silver eyes that had all of them paling or staring at her in disbelief. Well the girls were, the boys were rather pale.

"Don't worry about it Sis. If anyone, male or female, asks you to have sex with them use your semblance to get away and let me know about it." Yang said immediately, causing Ruby to blink at her sister curiously with her head tilted to the side before shrugging.

"Okay Yang!" Ruby said cheerfully before looking at the gaping Pyrrha and rather pale Ozpin.

"So which black card did you pick?" Ruby asked cheerfully, causing the two to start as they looked at their respective cards before looking at each other's.

"Something tells me if we pick Miss Nikos's I'll be beaten to a pulp by a very irate Goodwitch. If it's all the same Miss Nikos let's use mine." Ozpin said dryly and causing everyone's eyebrows to raise as they looked at Pyrrha who was eyeing her combat teacher warily as she agreed with Ozpin, putting her black card back into the stack.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin read off the card, causing several unholy grins to light up. The most disturbing of which belonged to Goodwitch herself.

After a moment of the other nine teams muttering to each other, one person from each team had placed the chosen white cards into a stack in front of Ozpin and Pyrrha.

"Now you have to shuffle the white cards and then read them off." Ruby said when she noticed that both of them were looking at her curiously. Nodding slightly Ozpin set aside his coffee and cane and picked up the cards, shuffling them like a dealer in a casino much to everyone's amusement.

"Would you like to read the answers while I repeat the question Miss Nikos?" Ozpin asked offering the Spartan the cards and causing her to nod as she took them.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked looking at his teammate and causing her to snicker as she looked at the first card.

"Apparently he's thinking of the Mistral Gymnastics team." Pyrrha said causing a few others to snicker while Velvet realized something.

"Um…aren't all of the gymnasts on that team under age?" Velvet asked curiously and causing Pyrrha to nod.

"Yep. The oldest one is…fourteen I believe." Pyrrha said causing Yang to snort loudly.

"Didn't know the General was into Loli's." Yang said causing more than a few people to break out laughing, even Ms. Goodwitch snickered.

"I am unfamiliar with that terminology." Penny said tilting her head to the side slightly while Ruby looked just as confused.

"It means he's into girls that look and act younger than they actually are." Coco explained to the two and causing them to both 'oh' in understanding.

"Guess we should keep him away from Ruby then." Blake quipped, causing all laughter to cease when a flare of the aura came from Yang at this.

"He comes near any of my students like that and I'll give him a one way flight back to Atlas, without the bullhead." Goodwitch said growling slightly. So she was protective of her students…sue her!

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin questioned bringing the game back on track.

"He's thinking of Whining like a little bitch." Pyrrha said causing everyone to outright bust out laughing, even Penny couldn't help but giggle at that.

"So what he does every time he visits." Goodwitch quipped, causing the laughter to double and for Yang and Reese to high five the older woman.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked sipping his coffee with a smile on his face, yep he was enjoying this game very much at the moment.

"Horny catgirls." Pyrrha deadpanned, causing everyone to look at Blake and snicker while she jaw dropped in disbelief.

"Wh-What the?" Blake asked wide eyed and causing Pyrrha to shrug slightly.

"It's what the card says!" She said defensively while Blake was being pat on the back by Ruby who had to get out of her seat and walk down the table to do that.

"Don't worry Blake! If the General tries anything with you, Crescent Rose and I will give him a good thrashing!" Ruby said happily before skipping back to her seat beside Arslan who smiled at her.

"Ruby! They didn't know I wa-"

"Your bow doesn't hide anything Blake. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the school knew. Everyone that has a Faunus on their team or as a friend does." Pyrrha said smiling slightly at Blake who deflated at this.

"Why don't you take off that bow? Your ears must hurt being covered up all the time." Goodwitch said smiling understandingly at Blake who hesitated for a second before reaching up and taking off her bow to show her black cats ears.

"It's okay you're a cute cat-girl Blake." Ruby said smiling at her sisters partner, causing the B of RWBY to stare at her wide eyed before blushing brightly and looking down while Nora snickered at how embarrassed.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked looking at Pyrrha, amused at the amount of glares Blake was getting thanks to being complimented by Ruby.

"One of you is very sick and if he's actually thinking about this then so is General Ironwood." Pyrrha said paling at the card she had picked up and causing everyone to look at her confused.

"What's it say?" Jaune asked looking at his partner confused.

"Necrophilia." Pyrrha deadpanned, causing everyone to freeze…until Blake slapped a hand to her forehead.

"Grimm damnitt Nora I told you not to play that!" Blake said causing Nora to burst out laughing as everyone stared at her.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked hoping to move past that quickly.

"Puberty." Pyrrha said causing Goodwitch to shudder slightly.

"I hope he's not going through it again. Once was bad enough. The never ending flirting…" Goodwitch said shivering slightly and causing a few of the students to snicker while others gave her sympathetic looks.

"And the never ending fights he demanded to try and impress you. Anyways. What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin said causing Goodwitch to scowl at that part.

"…" Pyrrha stared at the card for a second before she turned as red as her hair much to everyone's curiosity and amusement.

"What's he thinking about Pyrrha?" Yang asked with a curious look on her face as Pyrrha mumbled something that had Blake and Velvet both blushing while Arslan snickered.

"What was that?" Reese asked confused.

"I said…My collection of High-tech sex toys." Pyrrha repeated, red faced and causing the teens at the table aside from Ruby to erupt in laughter. Even Penny was laughing.

"Didn't know you had some Pyrrha. What's your favorite one?" Yang asked causing Pyrrha to blush redder while everyone laughed harder aside from the teachers, and even they were snickering slightly. It took another minute before Ozpin could read the question again while Pyrrha picked up another card.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked while Pyrrha's eyebrow twitched slightly.

"Some douche with an acoustic guitar." Pyrrha said causing Weiss to snicker slightly as she looked at her partner for the game.

"Looks like Ironwood's thinking about you Jaune." Weiss said causing Jaune to blush slightly while those of RWBY and NPR snickered, even Velvet giggled at that.

"I don't get it." Bolin said frowning slightly at the snickering group.

"Jaune tried to ask Weiss to the school dance using an acoustic guitar, multiple times, and was shot down every time." Blake explained quickly and causing those not in the know to nod in understanding.

"Why'd you turn him down anyways?" Fox asked looking toward Weiss's general direction.

"He was loud, annoying, and wouldn't stop bugging me. I respect that he was being himself about it but I prefer someone quieter and who stops when asked to." Weiss said rolling her eyes while Jaune rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry." He apologized causing Weiss to smile slightly.

"It's fine now, and thank you for stopping." Weiss said causing him to shrug his shoulders slightly.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked smiling behind his cup as he took another sip.

"Slow seductive tentacle rape." Pyrrha said, Ozpin's coffee was promptly sprayed across the table, just barely missing the Goodwitch and Fox as it hit Port right in the face when the headmaster tried to choke back a laugh at the unexpected answer. The teens and Goodwitch all burst out laughing at that while Port frowned as he used a towel that Ruby thoughtfully gave him to wipe the coffee off of his face.

"Sorry about that Peter." Ozpin said grinning sheepishly at Port who wiped the coffee up and gave a small forced chuckle.

"It's alright, I've had much worse than that before and I dare say the children found it amusing." Port said looking at the laughing teens while Ruby, to her credit, was doing her best to not laugh at her teacher but couldn't help but giggle. The others weren't even trying not to laugh.

"Are you okay Professor Port?" Ruby asked through her giggles and causing him to give her a fond smile.

"I am fine Miss Rose, merely a bit wet." Port said as he finished wiping off the coffee.

"What is General Ironwood thinking about right now?" Ozpin asked trying to get everyone back on track after they finished laughing almost a full minute later.

"72 virgins." Pyrrha said causing the others to snicker or laugh slightly.

"Every straight male's dream." Nabir said smirking slightly and causing the guys around the table to snort.

"For you younger folks maybe but us older men know better. Having to teach 72 women how to have sex? No thank you! We'll take 72 slutty broads who know what they're doing right Ozpin?" Port asked with a snort earning a pale look of horror from his boss while Goodwitch looked furious.

"Yang what are slutty broads? How they different from virgins? What do they have to do with sex?" Ruby asked rapidly, causing Port to blanch suddenly as he realized he had said that in front of the youngest and most innocent student at Beacon. Goodwitch and Yang…heck even Coco, Pyrrha, and Arslan, were glaring at Port darkly now. Yang's eyes turned red as she deployed Ember Celica and told Port one thing that had him running from the room quickly, not wanting to deal with the overprotective sister.

"I'll give till the count of three to run."


	4. Chapter 4

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

It took an hour, a whole hour, and a pouting Ruby to finally get the girls to stop hunting and beating up Professor Port and back to the game.

"I'll explain that stuff to you when you're older Ruby…or I'll just give you one of Blake's books." Yang said smiling at her sister before smirking at Blake who glared at her.

"How many times do I have to say it?! My books aren't like that! They're horror not smut!" Blake said fed up and causing Yang to crack up while Ruby brightened up.

"I like horror!" Ruby said causing Blake to blanch slightly while Yang snickered and the others looked a bit amused.

"By the way who won the first round?" Ruby asked looking at Ozpin and Pyrrha who blinked at her for a second.

"Give us a minute." Ozpin requested as he and Pyrrha began whispering to each other.

"I'm not saying that. They might win this round but I'm not saying it." Pyrrha said bluntly to her headmaster, causing him to chuckle slightly.

"Very well I'll announce the winner then." Ozpin said with a chuckle as he looked at the waiting teams around the table.

"Who had my high-tech sex toys?" Ozpin asked causing Yang and most of the teenagers to bust out laughing even as Ren and Velvet raised their hands. Ren just as calm as you please and Velvet blushing bright red.

"Did you have to word it like that?" Goodwitch asked torn between amused and disproving, and causing Ozpin to smirk.

"Nope." Ozpin said tossing the two their card before moving the stack of black cards to the next team.

"This will be fun. Mine or yours Reese?" Coco asked looking at her partner and grinning as she looked at their black cards while everyone else refilled their hands of white cards.

"Yours." Reese said snickering as she looked at the fashionista's black card.

"Alright then. My card says, How did I lose my virginity?" Coco said causing the teens to snicker aside from Ruby who looked confused.

"What's that? Is it like a wallet? I lose mine all the time." Ruby said innocently causing most of the teens, and even the adults, to laugh harder.

"Grimm damnitt Ruby! You can't just say things like that!" Yang said although she was laughing like everyone else.

"Why? I don't get it." Ruby said confused and furrowing her brow as she thought about it, causing Arslan to hug the smaller girl to her side.

"Don't worry about it little Rose, you'll learn soon enough. How about you let me pick the white card this round?" Arslan asked causing Ruby to blush slightly at the new nickname but shrug at the question.

"Okay…" Ruby agreed readily, obviously confused about it but not bothering to ask anymore.

"I'll read the answers you read the question?" Coco asked looking at Reese while shuffling the white cards.

"Sure." Reese agreed easily as she took the black card from her current teammate.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked while Coco drew one of the cards and snickered.

"My super sexy partner." Coco read causing everyone to freeze for a minute before Velvet slammed her head into the table with a deep red blush as the others laughed.

"I'm killing whoever played that." Velvet muttered causing them to laugh harder.

"It's okay Vel. They know that the Bunnybooty don't lie." Coco said lowering her shades enough to wink at the rabbit who blushed harder at that.

"Coco you die next." Velvet said while Yang hit the floor laughing at Coco's response. It took two minutes before they calmed down enough to continue the game.

"Kill your girlfriend later. Right now back to the game. How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked causing Velvet to hit her head against the table again while the others snickered.

"Giant Fucking Robots! Damn." Coco said with a whistle while Reese blushed at that.

"Shut it. How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked again with a slight scowl at Coco.

"Reverse Cowgirl apparently." Coco said raising an eyebrow while Yang snickered.

"Impressive. Most start with missionary." Weiss quipped causing Yang's jaw to drop alongside a few others as they stared at the heiress.

"Damn. Ice Queen has a bit of fire to her after all!" Yang said wide eyed earning a scowl from Weiss for the hated nickname.

"Why does everyone call me that!?" Weiss demanded, the others snickered but refused to answer her.

"How did I lose my Virginity?" Reese asked while Coco was grinning at this.

"Glory hole." Coco answered immediately.

"So… like everyone else then?" Jaune asked 'innocently' and causing everyone to stare at him before Yang and Reese started laughing.

"Sometimes I forget you have a sense of humor until you say something like that." Weiss said staring at her partner amused.

"Huh?" Jaune asked looking at her as if he didn't know whether or not it was an insult.

"We forget how funny you can be until you pull out a zinger like that one." Yang translated causing Jaune to 'oh' in understanding.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked again, causing everyone to stare at her.

"Big floppy donkey Dick. Kinky aren't you?" Coco said snickering and causing Reese to scowl as the others laughed at her aside from the teachers who just looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Screw you!" Reese said scowling and causing Coco to snicker harder.

"Sorry but you aren't lucky enough to lose your virginity to me!" Coco said grinning and causing everyone but Ruby and the teachers to laugh harder.

"Damnitt!" Reese swore when she realized she set herself up for that one. It took about two minutes for everyone to calm back down again.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked glaring at her partner for the game.

"Flying Sex Snakes." Coco said causing the others to snort slightly but not laugh like they had been doing.

"Shut up. How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked earning a snicker from Coco.

"Whoever played this one is a genius. It says, special musical guest Weiss Schnee!" Coco said causing everyone but Ruby and the teachers to roar in laughter as Weiss jaw dropped.

"What? I'm going to sue them till they're dirt poor then sue them some more!" Weiss began ranting until Ruby raced over and hugged her.

"It's okay Weiss. It's just a game, and you did have a musical career for a while so it's expected." Ruby said trying to calm down her 'BFF' who was tense for another minute before sighing and relaxing as everyone calmed down.

"Thank you for that Ruby." Weiss said smiling slightly at Ruby who released her with a smile.

"Glad to help!" Ruby said before dashing back to her seat beside Arslan.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked still snickering as she looked at Weiss, the girl's reaction was hilarious.

"A middle-aged man on roller skates." Coco said causing Reese to pale while the others snickered and Ruby looked confused.

"Man you lose your virginity a lot. I don't even lose my wallet as much as you lose your virginity!" Ruby said surprised and confused. The whole table just stopped for a moment before everyone but Reese busted out laughing while Reese gaped at the red caped girl. Even the teachers were laughing at her innocent statement.

"I…I love my sister!" Yang managed to gasp out through her laughter, Nora was rolling around on the floor alongside Coco and Arslan.

"I don't get it. What's so funny?" Ruby asked confused at their reactions.

"Shut up there's only one card left." Reese snapped, glaring at everyone, especially her teammates. They slowly calmed down, taking about three minutes to do so.

"How did I lose my virginity?" Reese asked through gritted teeth.

"Doin' it in the butt." Coco said earning a few snickers and giggles from the others before she and Reese began whispering frantically to each other.

"Alright we have the winner of this round. Who had my super sexy partner?" Coco asked completely straight faced…Velvet promptly face planted the table again while Arslan raised her hand and caught the tossed black card as everyone else snickered at the phrasing.

"Damn Vel…when'd you go to Haven?" Yang asked with a whistle earning a glare from the rabbit girl.

"I'm killing three people tonight, one of them is you Yang. Arslan and Coco are the other two on the list." Velvet said glaring at the three she said.

"What about Ruby? She is Arslan's partner so technically she played the card too." Weiss asked with an eyebrow raised at the second year.

"Ruby has no clue what that means so she's exempt from being killed." Velvet said smiling slightly towards Ruby who was confused but smiled back.

"Looks like it's our turn to be the Card Czar's then." Goodwitch said grabbing two black cards and whispering to Fox what they both said. Fox gave an unholy grin as he whispered something back that had Goodwitch grinning evilly as well.

"Good idea. Since we're the Card Czar's that means what we say goes right?" Goodwitch asked directing this to Ruby who blinked before nodding.

"Perfect. Instead of giving us your cards, once you pick one place it face down in front of you. I'll explain the rest once that's done." Goodwitch nearly purred, causing everyone to gulp.

"What's the black card say?" Blake asked eyeing the woman warily.

"What did you bring for show and tell?" Goodwitch asked causing everyone to blink for a moment before the teams finally selected one card each.

"Okay now what?" Port asked confused and causing Goodwitch and Fox to grin.

"You'll be telling us what you all brought to show and tell yourselves. We'll be going in Card Czar order so Headmaster, Miss Nikos… you go first and no you can't take back your cards." Goodwitch said stopping Blake from switching out the card that Nora had put down.

"We bought a sea of troubles." Pyrrha said flipping over their card.

"Why'd you bring that to my classroom?" Goodwitch asked sternly causing Pyrrha to shrug her shoulders.

"Professor Ozpin picked the card this round, ask him." Pyrrha said cleverly placing all blame on her partner.

"Traitor." Ozpin muttered to her, causing her to smirk.

"Better you than me." Pyrrha muttered back as Goodwitch glared at the two.

"I figured that since you had so many troubles already, you'd just want to throw them into the sea and forget them Glynda. I apologize if I was being presumptuous." Ozpin said with a smile on his face, even though he was internally sweating under the piercing look she was giving him. His words made her blush slightly however while Yang whistled.

"Hey Jauney take notes. Professor Ozpin's showing you how to pick up chicks." Yang teased, causing Jaune to blush and splutter slightly while Goodwitch glared at the brawler.

"If he or any of the other boys need extra lessons then I am available to teach them all I know after their daily classes." Ozpin said smoothly, earning awed looks from the guys while Professor Port nodded in agreement and Goodwitch glared at him harder now.

"Ms. Adel, Ms. Chloris, what did you two bring to show and tell?" Goodwitch asked looking at the two who looked at each other.

"Reese chose to bring a vagina that leads to an alternate dimension." Coco blurted out quickly, diverting her teachers attention to the glaring green haired girl.

"Traitor!" Reese hissed as the other teens beside Ruby laughed.

"Hey when it's against Goodwitch every man, woman, and child for themselves." Coco said shrugging her shoulders.

"Tell us Ms. Chloris. Does the vagina belong to you or are you borrowing it for the day?" Goodwitch asked completely straight faced and causing Reese and Coco's jaws to drop open slightly as everyone laughed harder.

"…It's mine?" Reese asked more than said, Yang and Arslan were currently on the floor laughing their heads off by now.

"That's a very valuable thing to possess Ms. Chloris. You should take good care of it. Peter, Mr. Hori. What did you two bring to show and tell?" Goodwitch asked turning away from the two gaping girls and smacking the table in front of the two males when they didn't stop laughing quick enough for her liking.

"We bought Flesh eating bacteria ma'am." Bolin said quickly, causing Goodwitch to nod slightly.

"As long as it's enough to share. Mr. Arc, Ms. Schnee. What did you bring?" Goodwitch asked turning to the two snickering teens who quickly sobered up.

"Hipsters ma'am." Jaune said weakly under the woman's stern look.

"And why did you bring hipsters to my classroom?" Goodwitch asked raising an eyebrow at the two.

"Weiss figured something like this would happen when you told us to keep our cards, and I agreed with her so we played something that wouldn't embarrass us." Jaune said quickly causing Goodwitch to nod slightly.

"Hmm. Bonus points for good thinking but it's not a funny answer and I despise hipsters. Make sure that you lead them to the Minotaur hole out back, that way there's no bodies to dispose of. Ms. Scarlatina, Mr. Ren what did you two bring?" Goodwitch asked moving right along to the two completely sober teens.

"We bought oversized lollipops ma'am." Velvet said softly causing Goodwitch to nod slightly.

"I do hope you both brought enough to share with your classmates. Now Ms. Belladonna, Ms. Valkyrie what did you both bring to show and tell?" Goodwitch asked turning to the two while Blake buried her face in her hands.

"I just want to say that I was completely against this but Nora didn't listen to me." Blake said quickly as Nora flipped over the card.

"We brought genital piercings!" Nora said happily and causing Goodwitch to glare at her.

"That is highly inappropriate Ms. Valkyrie! Detention for a week!" Goodwitch said sternly causing Nora to looked baffled at this.

"But Reese and Coco showed us their vagina's! Why am I in trouble?" Nora asked in disbelief, causing Coco to choke on her soda while Reese went bright red at that.

"Their vagina's led to an alternate dimension. I dare say that the metal you shoved in yours does not." Goodwitch said completely straight faced, although Fox was laughing his head off next to her.

"Moving along, Ms. Xiao Long, Ms. Polendina. What did you two bring to show and tell?" Goodwitch asked looking at the two who smiled at her, well Penny smiled Yang just grinned.

"We bought Dragon boobs ma'am! Acquaintance Yang was most insistent upon this!" Penny said cheerfully, making Goodwitch pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Detention Ms. Xiao Long. Mr. Shiko, Mr. Daichi what did you two bring to show and tell?" Goodwitch said looking at the two quiet males.

"We bought the hustle ma'am." Nadir said quietly causing a few students to grin.

"Did you get Team JNPR to do the synchronized dancing again? That was awesome at the dance!" Ruby asked causing the four members of Team JNPR to grin sheepishly or laugh while Nadir and Yatsuhashi were confused.

"No dancing in class you two. Ms. Rose, Ms. Altan what did you two bring to class?" Goodwitch asked smiling slightly at Ruby who grinned widely.

"Well since everyone seems to enjoy the game so much…we bought Cards Against Remnant!" Ruby said flipping over their card with a flourish, causing Goodwitch to chuckle slightly.

"Hm it is an interesting game for sure but you should know better than to try and play games in class Ms. Rose." Goodwitch said causing Ruby to pout slightly.

"But Professor Ozpin lets us play Chess and Remnant the Game in tactics class sometimes?" Ruby asked confused and causing Goodwitch to glare at her boss who gulped under her look.

"I will be having a talk with Headmaster Ozpin about that later. Mr. Alistair have you decided on a winner?" Goodwitch asked turning towards her temporary partner.

"Yes ma'am. The winner was the Hustle, since it's a dance everyone can do including me." Fox said causing Goodwitch to nod as she handed the card to Yatsuhashi and Nadir.

"Your turn Peter." Goodwitch said passing the black cards off to her co-worker.

"Oh dear. Either one we choose will be very…interesting." Port said eyeing his and his partners black cards warily.

"Can we take a break for a few minutes? We should probably get some snacks and drinks in case someone gets hungry or thirsty in the middle of the game." Ruby asked looking at her portly teacher who smiled at her.

"A grand idea Ms. Rose! We'll break for five minutes to get snacks and all set up then continue playing."


	5. Chapter 5

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

Everyone except Yang stared in shock as Ruby dashed around the kitchen using her semblance to her advantage as she whipped up dozens of different treats and snacks for her friends and herself in very little time. In less than five minute there were several trays full of treats and food on the counter.

"Way to go sis! You even remembered the Snowballs!" Yang cheered seeing the sugary white balls on the tray in the corner of a counter and causing Ruby to pause as she smiled at her sister.

"Of course! They're your favorites, and even if the others don't know what they are they might like trying something new." Ruby said before beginning to dash around the kitchen again. In a record amount of time there was a lot of snacks in the center of the table, soon followed by cups that were clearly marked and soda bottles along with tea and coffee, and no one except for Yang could do anything but just stare at Ruby who paused as she set down the last pot of coffee on the table and blinked up at them.

"What?" Ruby asked looking up at them and tilting her head slightly to the side.

"It's nothing sis, they just didn't know about how you use your semblance when cooking or baking…or about how good of a cook you are." Yang said easily as she retook her seat at the table and snagged one of the 'Snowballs' off of the plate in front of her.

"You can use your semblance for cooking?" Weiss asked looking at Ruby even more surprised now.

"Well yeah. See by going fast like I do, anything I'm holding or that is with me when I go fast enough gets superheated. This could do various things like set off bullets or things sensitive to motion and heat. That's why I didn't carry Crescent Rose or any of my ammo with me when I did it, usually when I have Crescent Rose or my bullets with me I don't go _too_ fast or I make sure I had fire proofed them first." Ruby began said causing everyone to stare at how intelligent she sounded right then.

"By superheating the food up I can cook and bake things in less than a fraction of the time it takes using the stove or microwave without suffering any loss of flavor, as long as I have the proper ingredients to make the dishes that is. Also using this method I can mix and stir the ingredients at near super speeds as well to lower the preparation time it takes." Ruby finished causing everyone to blink slightly before Arslan noticed something.

"If everything with you gets superheated then wouldn't that mean your cloths and body do as well?" Arslan asked causing Ruby to blink for a second.

"Yep. My aura usually deals with the body part and after I burned my cloths off at the age of five thanks to my semblance all of my outfits are fireproof…Yangs are too thanks to her semblance. Besides I'm used to randomly catching on fire after living with that pyromaniac for so long." Ruby said snickering as she pointed at her sister, causing Yang to nearly choke on her Snowball.

"Oi! It was an accident and you know it!" Yang said defensively.

"The first two or three times maybe but I stopped believing that after the fifth time you set my bed on fire while I was in it!" Ruby retorted causing everyone else's eyes to widen horrified at hearing that.

"That explains why the explosion when we got off the bullhead didn't affect you any." Weiss said weakly as she stared at Ruby who blinked for a second again.

"Yeah that stuff may have been strong to normal people but it had nothing on getting superheated or set on fire. That was still technically your fault given that you were shaking the vial in my face when I'm allergic to dust." Ruby said causing everyone but Yang to jerk at that.

"Allergic to dust?" Ozpin asked eyeing the small girl worriedly, no one could blame him considering how much dust was in the school and how many students used it daily.

"Yep. According to dad mom had an accident involving dust while she was pregnant with me…apparently that accident lead to me developing an allergy for it. I could even die if I inhale enough of it, but Yang usually keeps it away from me or burns it all up before I inhale too much." Ruby said shrugging her shoulders indifferently to this despite the horrified looks she was being given.

"So what's the black card for this round?" Ruby asked looking at Professor Port who started for a second before he looked down at the card in his hand, the one he and Bolin had picked to use.

"In the new Mistral Kids channel original movie Ponicle Mintana must deal with _ for the first time." Port read causing Pyrrha to slam her forehead into the table.

"Somehow…given Mistral's reputation…I have a feeling my kingdom is going to be the basis of a lot of cards in this game." Pyrrha said causing the others to slowly break out of their shock and horror as they snickered at the Amazon. All of them filed away the information they had learned for later but since Ruby wasn't too bothered by it, they left it alone and got back to the game for now. That was exactly what Pyrrha had been hoping for, she'd rather think about a dumb card game than about her friend, the girl she saw as a little sister, bursting into flames.

"Let's see what you kids watch all the time then." Port said handing the black card to Bolin and picking up the pile of white cards.

"My vagina." Port said before blinking slightly.

"Wait what?" Port almost wasn't heard over the sound of the students laughing their heads off aside from Ruby and Penny.

"Don't want to watch that." Coco said snickering and earning an amused but stern look from the man.

"Alcoholism." Port read the next card causing Pyrrha to sigh slightly.

"Unfortunately that's probably right." Pyrrha admitted causing the others to snicker slightly.

"Next up is…an argument with Headmaster Ozpin?" Port asked looking at Ozpin who blinked for a second before he sipped his coffee.

"Interesting. I didn't know I wasi a movie." Ozpin said casually, causing the teens to snort slightly at his blasé tone.

"Okay next up is…Grimm shit." Port said raising his eyebrow.

"Sounds about right but I doubt it's her first time." Yang said snickering.

"Next on the show is…The most basic violation of our human rights." Port said causing the teens to snicker harder, and Goodwitch to try and hide her snort of amusement.

"So just the evening news then." Blake commented dryly, earning more snickers.

"Her next movie was based on Revenge fucking!" Port said causing the teens to all out laugh now.

"I feel bad for whoever it is that pissed her off in that case!" Pyrrha said laughing. Ponicle may have been popular early in her career but the way things were going now…no one wanted much to do with her aside from the paparazzi.  
"The next movie was based on Copping a feel!" Port said causing the teens to 'ew' slightly, none of them were fans of the pop-star. Ruby wasn't even allowed to watch most of her newer movies and music videos…and she just thought that the woman was stupid.

"Next is unfathomable stupidity!" Port said causing the teens to snort slightly.

"Yeah that's the absolute truth." Velvet said causing everyone to gape at her for a minute before they snickered. You know it's bad when even shy and often times timid around others Velvet said it!

"Finally the last movie was based on Porn Stars!" Port said causing every straight male under twenty besides Ren and Jaune to whistle or cheer for that one. Immediately they were all smacked by the closest female, poor Nadir and Bolin got it twice from their female teammates.

"Who had the porn stars?" Port asked making the teens snicker…especially when Yang and Penny raised their hands.

"What are porn stars?" Ruby asked Arslan in a whisper.

"Think very good friends in skimpy clothing." Arslan whispered back causing Ruby to blink before grinning.

"Just like your sixteenth birthday all over again Yang!" Ruby called making everyone laugh when Yang went slightly red.

"That was because Uncle Qrow bought them as a joke! They were his porn stars not mine!" Yang said defensively in return, causing the guys to gape slightly.

"Your Uncle has Porn stars?" Nadir asked gaping at Yang and Ruby who nodded in agreement.

"Only on the weekends or when he's too drunk. He never brings them around Ruby for more than a few minutes though." Yang said shrugging and accepting the black card as everyone drew white cards.

"Good." Goodwitch said firmly while Jaune and Weiss drew black cards and exchanged looks…Jaune slowly put his card down.

"In the interest of not dying today…I'll go with Weiss's without even bothering to argue or show her the card." Jaune said weakly, causing the rest of JNPR and RWBY to snicker.

"Very well then…Sally Sorter was amazed to find out that she was really blank." Weiss said eyeing Jaune curiously before shrugging it off and looking at the other teams who all took a minute before placing down a white card.

"I'm _not_ reading those Jaune." Weiss said primly as she daintily sipped some of her tea.

"Yeah yeah. Whatever Ice Queen." Jaune said waving it off as he picked up the stack and shuffled them while Weiss choked on her drink.

"Hey!" The heiress said indignantly while everyone was laughing at her except the teachers who were just smiling slightly.

"Let's see. Sally Sorter was really a Big Black dick!" Jaune read dramatically, causing the teens to snicker while Nadir scowled.

"Oi! Don't pin her on me!" He called making the teens snicker harder.

"Don't worry Nadir. He said it was a _big_ one. According to your girl yours don't match the description!" Reese called causing a few, aka Nora, Yang, Coco, and Arslan, to hoot in laughter while the other teens besides a confused Ruby busted out laughing as well. The teachers just looked uncomfortable.

"Here I thought I was the burn master! She Reesed me to it!" Yang said snickering and causing most people to groan at the bad pun aside from Reese who snorted in amusement.

"Don't worry. I'm sure your next Burn will be a Yang up job!" Reese said causing everyone to look horrified while Yang gaped for a second.

"Now there's two of the oaf." Weiss groaned slamming her head into the table while Yang leapt over the table and tackle hugged Reese.

"Finally! Someone with a sense of humor! Where have you been all my life?!" Yang asked hugging Reese tightly while the skater laughed.

"Yanging out in Heaven! If I knew someone with an awesome sense of humor was here I would have Reesed right over." Reese said snickering while Yang outright laughed.

"Ruby…" Weiss said pinching the bridge of her nose and causing the silently giggling red caped girl to look over at her.

"Yes Weiss?" Ruby asked tilting her head ever so slightly.

"Get them to stop. Even if you have to use… _that_." Weiss said with her eyes closed and causing Ruby to grin and nod.

"Okie dokie!" Ruby said before bouncing over to her laughing sister and the skater.

"Y-ang. Re-ese." Ruby whined causing the two to look at her.

"Can we get back to the game please?" Ruby asked giving them a puppy dog pout that had almost every female there squealing while the guys except Jaune, Ren, and Fox had hearts in their eyes.

"Of course!" Yang said while she and Reese hugged Ruby at the same time.

"What just happened?" Fox asked confused.

"Ruby used her forbidden by Weiss puppy dog pout. It will make anyone agree to anything if they see it. Consider yourself lucky that you can't, it means you're immune." Blake said after collecting herself quickly.

"Why is it forbidden by Weiss?" Coco questioned raising an eyebrow as Arslan growled and stole Ruby from the two who were hugging her, setting the girl back in her seat and holding her close protectively.

"Because the last time Ruby used it, Roman Torchwick stole every cookie, except the raison ones, and strawberry in three stores to give it to her when she mentioned that it was her favorite things to eat and that she was hungry." Blake said causing everyone to blink for a minute.

"I wondered why he went from Dust stores to snack shops." Goodwitch muttered to herself.

"Next! Sally found out that she's Box-shaped!" Jaune read earning a few shrugs for that one.

"Up next we have Sally who was amazed to find out that she's actually Deez nuts?" Jaune asked causing Yang to share a grin with Reese.

"Whose nuts? Yours? I thought those were Pyrrhas?" Yang asked causing Pyrrha and Jaune both to turn beat red while the other teens snickered or wolf whistled aside from Ruby.

"Nuts? Like Pistachios or Peanuts?" Ruby questioned confused.

"Not quite." Arslan said snickering.  
"Next she found that she's a field of turnips." Jaune said causing most of them to just shrug it off. Nora and Reese booed the lame answer.

"Okay up next we have Sally Sorter who's really a traffic light!" Jaune said earning more boos and shrugs.

"She's now found out that she's a chimney!" Jaune announced to everyone, earning a few snickers or snorts.

"Well they have a lot in common, like the fat old man going down her." Yang said shrugging and earning a few gags from the description.

"That disturbing image aside…She's now a planet!" Jaune said causing a few snickers.

"She's about the size of one." Ren said shrugging his shoulders.

"She's also Nevermore shit!" Jaune said snickering slightly and earning several giggles and snickers for that one.

"Finally she's balls deep in a squealing boarbatusk while firing her rifle in the air… that _has_ to be Nora's choice." Jaune said sighing and making a few gag while others were laughing.

"Given the choices…who had Nevermore shit?" Weiss asked, causing a few to laugh harder while the others snickered.

"That would be us." Blake said raising her hand with a smirk.  
"Huh but then who had that last one?" Jaune asked surprised as he looked at the others while Nora caught the tossed card and poked her tongue out at her leader.

"Seeing as how it didn't win what's the use in the person who played it claiming the card?" Goodwitch asked with a raised eyebrow, making Jaune pout slightly.  
"Who cares? Let's taste some of these treats Ruby made!" Reese said grabbing a cookie from a tray near her and stuffing it in her mouth.

Her eyes immediately popped open wide as she swallowed the cookie. Her next words caused several people to look surprised while others dove for the treats.

"These are amazing!"


	6. Chapter 6

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

It was about ten minutes later and all of the treats were gone, making those who ate them all to pout up at Ruby at this.

"I'm glad you liked them but if I keep making more every time we run out we'll never get to play the game! I'll make some more treats after the next round okay?" Ruby asked with a giggle and a smile, earning pouts but nods of agreements. The most notable pouts came from Reese, Nora, Coco, and surprisingly Ozpin.

"Our turn then…we've already agreed on using Velvet's card while you all were fighting for the last treats." Ren said calmly polishing off the last of the cookies while Velvet finished off her celery stick that had peanut butter and raisons on it.

"The card says _ Damnitt Mistral!" Ren said calmly and collectedly, causing a few people to slam down their answers immediately while others took a minute to decide. Pyrrha didn't bother moving her head up from where it planted itself in the table as soon as her home kingdom was mentioned.

"I want to warn everyone now…I did _NOT_ get to see what Nora played. Don't blame me." Blake said immediately, earning sighs or groans from most everyone.

"Let's see what you people came up with. Velvet if I read the white cards will you read the black card?" Ren asked looking at the rabbit who nodded slightly and took the black card from the ninja.

"First card says. My genitails." Ren said blandly.

"Damnitt Mistral." Velvet finished with a small giggle, making the others snicker while Ren didn't even twitch.

"What did they take them?" Fox asked with a snicker, Ren didn't bother to answer as he picked up the next card in the stack.

"Next is. Steampunk bullshit." Ren said causing Yang to gulp as she looked at her sister.

"Damnitt Mistral!" Velvet said causing Ruby to scowl.

"Oh so that absolute bullshit came from Mistral! I need to find whoever started that stupid thing and give them a stern talking too because Steampunk is bullshit to the highest degree! It's not even accurate!" Ruby began to go on a rant about all the things that were wrong and inaccurate about Steampunk, cursing the subculture and whoever started it out several times in the process much to everyone's shock as they stared at her wide eyed. Ozpin, Goodwitch, Port and Coco were staring with gaping mouths.

"I don't know why, maybe it's because of her fascination with machines and weapons, but Steampunk _really_ pisses her off." Yang said watching her sister rant for another five minutes before the girl began to calm down a bit.

"Sis…can we get back to the game please?" Yang asked looking at Ruby who paused mid word and blinked at her for a second.

"Oh yeah…sorry…I forgot we were playing. Steampunk just realllllly pisses me off." Ruby said blushing sheepishly as she sunk into her seat, her eyes on the table and her shoulders hunched slightly to make her seem as small as possible. She earned a few 'aww's from the others at her accidentally cute action and a small hug from Arslan again.

"That's alright Ruby. I think you broke the teachers though. But onto the next card." Ren said causing Ruby to look over at the teachers, curious as to what he was talking about, only to see them staring at her in disbelief and shock.

"This one says A windmill of corpses." Ren read with a small smile.

"Damnitt Mistral." Velvet said after another few seconds of just staring at Ruby.

"Something you're not telling us Pyrrha?" Yang asked snickering at the Amazon who looked up and gave her a glare.

"I didn't do it." Pyrrha said before face planting into the table again.

"Are you okay Pyrrha?" Ruby asked worriedly as she poked Pyrrha gently, earning a sigh and small smile from the Amazon who finally sat up fully.

"Fine Ruby, thanks." Pyrrha said smiling at the small girl who smiled back happily.

"Alright steampunk wins, if only because of how it made Ruby react." Ren announced after a quick talk with Velvet, causing Ruby and Pyrrha to blink slightly. They didn't even hear the other answers.

"That was us." Reese said accepting her and Coco's new black card.

"We are the hippie Czars!" Nora shouted, making Blake, Arslan and Velvet wince at the loudness, as she picked up a black card.

"You might be the hippie Czar but I'm not." Blake shot back, before raising an eyebrow at her card.

"Ohhh that one looks better! Let's do your card Blake!" Nora said peeking at Blake's card and putting her own back in the deck quickly, making Blake sigh.

"How do we work the cards with two blank spaces?" Blake asked turning to Ruby.

"Well usually you just put the two cards in front of you in the order you want them read. Since we're in teams though, that means that either both teammates can agree on both cards or one teammate can pick one card each and just set them down in whichever order you want." Ruby answered causing the other players to nod in understanding.

"Again most of our cards are things you don't know or understand so perhaps I should pick our cards again Little Rose?" Arslan offered looking at their combined hands of cards and earning a blink and happy smile from Ruby.

"Thank you!" Ruby chirped causing Arslan to smile as she took Ruby's five cards and added them to her five.

"Any time, little Rose. The card says?" Arslan said smiling warmly at Ruby before turning and raising an eyebrow at Blake and Nora.

"That's right I have a _. How'd I get it? By _" Blake read out causing everyone to take a moment or two to decide on their cards before placing them down slowly.

"Now you and everyone else knows who played what though." Jaune pointed out, causing Blake to grin evilly.

"What do you know? So I do." Blake nearly purred out causing a few people to pale.

"Oh I know! Instead of us reading the cards! You have to read your cards and act them out!" Nora cried out randomly, causing quite a few of the teams to blanch slightly in disbelief and horror.

"No take backsies!" Nora declared after catching sight of more than one hand moving towards their cards on the table.

"Let's go in Card Czar order! That means Pyrrha and Professor Ozpin go first." Nora cheered causing Blake to sigh as she went along with her excitable partner.

"Might as well get this over with." Ozpin said sighing slightly as he and Pyrrha flipped over a card each. Ozpin took one look at Pyrrha's card and blanched in shock.

"On second thought you act this out Miss Nikos." Ozpin said pushing the cards towards Pyrrha, causing her to smirk and push them back.

"Sorry sir but I can't actually act that out. You can though." Pyrrha said 'innocently' as she pushed the cards back.

"I'd rather not die thank you!" Ozpin said shoving the cards back towards Pyrrha but missing and making them come to a stop in front of a curious Ruby, which made both of the arguing teammates to pale as she picked them up.

"Let's see. Their cards say: That's right I have a massive boner. How'd I get it? By Glynda Goodwitch! What's that mean?" Ruby asked naively and causing everyone else to freeze for a second as they looked from the blushing Ozpin to the blank faced Goodwitch…finally Yang snorting caused everyone but Ruby and the two Professors in question to break out laughing.

"I knew there was something going on between you two!" Yang said between her hooting and hollering as she rolled on the floor laughing.

"Don't act that out! We don't need to see that! Ruby especially doesn't!" Blake shouted out between her snickers, causing everyone to sober up quickly as they looked at Ruby who was honestly confused at this.

"I still don't get it." Ruby said as Pyrrha took the cards from her quickly but gently.

"Don't worry about it Little Gem." Pyrrha said smiling down at the short girl who blinked at that.

"That's a new one!" Ruby said cheerfully and causing Pyrrha to chuckle.

"Well you are tiny…and Ruby's are gemstones. That makes you a tiny or little gem." Pyrrha said poking Ruby's nose playfully, earning a giggle and slight blush from the reaper.

"That cuteness aside…it's Coco and Reese's turn." Blake said while both glaring at Pyrrha and cursing at herself for never thinking of that kind of nickname for her tiny leader.

"That's right I got a cute Faunus. How'd I get it? By being fabulous." Coco said smirking as she stood up and began sashaying towards Velvet who slammed her forehead into the table again.

"Let's keep it PG! Ruby does not need an example of that kind of thing!" Yang shouted at the fashionista who pouted but nodded her head as she walked up to Velvet.

"You shouldn't hit your head against the table so hard Velvet. You'll hurt yourself." Coco nearly purred as she ran a finger down Velvet's neck, causing the rabbit to sit straight up immediately with a bright red face.

"Perhaps we can go clothes shopping again soon. We had so much _fun_ last time." Coco purred causing Velvet to flush deeper as she dumbly nodded her head in agreement, causing Coco to grin as she placed a kiss to Velvet's forehead.

"Can't wait." Coco said before running a finger down one of Velvet's ears, which drew a ragged gasp and shudder from the rabbit, and turning to go back to her seat.

"Well…she has seduction in her arsenal for sure." Nadir said staring wide eyed at Coco who smirked as she swayed her hips for Velvet, who was staring with wide eyes before 'eep'ing and hiding behind her ears while Yang was snickering alongside a few others.

"Well Fox, Professor Goodwitch. Your turn!" Nora said happily pointing at the two and causing Goodwitch to sigh slightly.

"That's right I got a Badass Teammate. How'd I get it? By Kicking ass." Goodwitch read out loud, causing Fox to grin.

"I got badass teammates alright but how exactly do I act that out? Whose ass am I kicking?" Fox asked causing everyone to think about it.

"Eh just mime fighting I guess. You got your teammates while fighting Grimm and we don't really have those on hand…" Blake said shrugging her shoulders and causing Fox to nod as he stood up and walked a few steps away from the table before going through some of his fighting moves.

"Cool! Can you teach me how to do that? Yang says I need to work on my hand to hand skills in case I lose Crescent Rose again!" Ruby said cheering wide eyed when she saw him fighting against the invisible monsters.

"I'll teach you some martial arts later kid." Fox promised while not noticing the glares he was getting from Arslan and Pyrrha.

"Our turn then! That's right I have a massive ego! How'd I get it? By telling stories of my greatness!...Wait a second…" Port read before frowning while all the Beacon natives except Ruby snickered.

"Just like every class then?" Blake asked dryly, earning nods from the others.

"NEXT!" Nora yelled causing the Faunus to wince at the loudness.

"Nora you're hurting Blake, Velvet and Arslan's ears! Can you stop shouting so loud?" Ruby asked seeing her friends wince and causing Nora to slap her hands over her mouth comically and nod her head rapidly.

"Ruby you are a miracle worker. Even I can't get her to stop like that." Ren said staring at Nora amazed while the three faunus were giving Ruby thankful looks.

"Thank you little Rose." Arslan said kissing Ruby's cheek and causing half the table to begin reaching for their weapons while Ruby blinked for a second.

"No problem! You're a bit strange you know? No one except Yang and Nora and sometimes Pyrrha show me affection like that! Weiss is too much of an Ice Queen-"

"Hey!"

"-Blake is more anti-social than I am! Jaune and Ren are cool and aren't afraid to hug me but Yang talked to them for a minute and they seemed terrified to do even that anymore and Coco and Velvet and Yatsu and Fox are all really busy so I don't get to see them a lot but when I do even they aren't that affectionate! You must be a naturally affectionate person which is a bit weird but really nice, that's just my opinion though!" Ruby said chattering rapidly to Arslan who looked at her with an amused smile since the girl acted as if Weiss never interrupted her to begin with.

Arslan blinked rapidly before smiling and hugging the girl to her side again, noting the glare from Pyrrha.

"Tch. More like she's affectionate with Ruby. She's never that affectionate with anyone else." Reese muttered to Coco who ground her teeth together as she glared at Arslan.

"Unless you want to have to find a new team leader…shut up and don't repeat that to the others. We _will_ kill Arslan if she tries something with little Red." Coco growled back, causing Arslan to look up and eye her warily.

"That's right I have…Seriously Weiss? I didn't expect this from you… eh. That's right I have a tribe of warrior women. How'd I get it? By being a nice guy." Jaune read off of his card with a smirk as he looked at Weiss who crossed her arms and huffed.

"It was the only combination we had that would make any sense…besides it's not like you have a Tribe of Warrior Women anyways so you can't even act that out." Weiss said rolling her eyes at him and causing him to pout.

"Well since Jaune can't act it out, Ren. Velvet. Your turn." Blake said looking at the two who nodded and flipped over their cards, causing Velvet to look at Ren's card and glare at him.

"I'm killing you too. Right after Yang and Arslan." Velvet said growling slightly at the ninja.

"What's it say?" Coco asked smirking, this was going to be good.

"That's right I have a baby on the way. How'd I get it? Sweaty lesbian sex." Ren said completely straight faced…in an instant every teen at the table but Ruby and Velvet were howling in laughter.

"I'm not acting that out. Not only because it's impossible but because I'm too busy plotting murder and which weapons to best use." Velvet growled glaring around the table.

"Ohhh weapons? I'm good at weapons! If you need a new weapon I can help!" Ruby offered brightly, perking up at the mention of weapons and causing most of the teens to choke on their laughter. Ruby just offered to help kill them!

"I'll take you up on that offer Ruby." Velvet said smiling, but it wasn't a good smile. It was a nasty dark smile that scared those on her 'list'.

"Our turn before Velvet and Ruby kills us all!" Yang announced flipping over the cards.

"That's right I got the power of friendship. How'd I get it? By doing the robot." Yang announced causing Penny and Ruby to share looks and secret smiles as Penny got up and began doing the Robot dance, much to everyone's amusement.

"For some reason that dance really suits you…" Blake said trailing off while Penny sat back down with a smile on her face.

"Our turn. That's right I got a used fleshlight. How'd I get it? By digging around in a trashcan…seriously?" Yatsuhashi asked looking amused as he looked down at Nadir who grinned and gave a shrug while the others snickered.

"Don't bother that'll take too long to act out…plus Ruby is right here." Nora said looking at her small friend who looked confused but smiled and looked at her face down cards.

"Well since Arslan picked them I guess I'll act them out!" Ruby said cheerfully as she flipped over the cards while Arslan blanched at this.

"That's right I got a strong female harem! How'd I get it? By acting like a completely evil psychopath! …um…what's a harem and a psychopath?" Ruby asked confused while the teens and adults at the table gaped at the small girl who looked at them confused.

"A harem is a lot of girls or boys dating one person. A psychopath is a crazy person." Fox told her after a few seconds pause.

"Oh...okay! I can act like an evil crazy person. Just give me a second to get into character!" Ruby said happily as she focused for a minute before she stood up and had a crazy smile on her face. Her silver eyes were wide and her pupils were dilated as her eyes seemed to glow.

"Ahhahhahaha!" Ruby said tossing her head back and letting out an insane laugh, one that was wayyyyy too good.

"All of you belong to me now." Ruby said looking at them out of the corners of her eyes, not lowering her head for another moment and when she did she covered one side of her face with her hand as the other side of her face showed a wide dark grin.

"Don't worry. I promise." Ruby said spreading her fingers just enough for her glowing silver eye to show through them as she licked her lips and teeth.

"I'll take good care of you." Ruby said before giving another insane giggle as she plopped back down in her seat.

"Well how'd I do?" Ruby asked with her normal innocent smile as she looked at them in wide eyed curiosity.

"Ruby wins." Blake said with a strangled voice while Nora nodded mutely in agreement. Just before Ruby could grab her new awesome point, she was tackled by Pyrrha and Arslan who began to hug her and rapidly kiss her all over her face.

"All yours." Arslan and Pyrrha said between kissing Ruby's face, leaving different colored lip marks all over her pale skin. Too bad they didn't hear the knuckles cracking and feel the heat until a large roar distracted them from their prey.

"GET OFF OF MY SISTER!"


	7. Chapter 7

**RWBY Teachers Cards**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

It took about two hours for the others to finally stop trying to join Yang in her quest to kill Pyrrha and Arslan and instead restrain the blond…then it took half an hour for them to restrain Coco as well since she had tried to kill the two as well. Pyrrha didn't really freak out much when she realized that her supposed sisterly feelings for Ruby was actually a huge crush and her supposedly huge crush on Jaune was just sisterly feelings for him… it was very strange but she didn't mind at all. She blamed her Mistral heritage for that.

"Okay I get Yang being overprotective and angry but why you Coco?" Jaune asked looking at the fashionista who was trying to glare holes into Arslan and Pyrrha's heads as they fawned and fretted over a confused Ruby who just shrugged and went to make snacks with kiss marks on her face still since everyone had been too busy to wipe them off and she didn't realize they were there. Even the teachers had been trying to kill the two 'molesters' as Yang called them for about thirty minutes to an hour before they started calming down and calming the others down.

"Ruby is the closest thing that Coco has to a sister… and Coco is naturally protective of those she deems as her friends or family. You should have heard what she wanted to do to Cardin after she found out he was bullying me." Velvet said instead with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Coco slaughtered Grimm for destroying a _clothing store…_ I have no problems thinking she would kill Cardin and his gang for bullying her bunny." Blake said dryly, earning a blush and glare from Velvet while Coco snickered at her partners misfortune.

"Bite me kitty cat." Velvet said glaring at the cat who snickered.

"I would but Coco might kill me for it." Blake said earning snickers from the others.

"Coco no killing our friends!" Ruby called from the kitchen. There was a brief second of silence before Ruby poked her head out of the kitchen.

"I don't think I've ever had to tell Coco that before. Usually Yang and Nora and sometimes Blake and Pyrrha but not Coco." Ruby said blinking at them before she shrugged and ducked back into the kitchen.

"That's new." A new voice said as four more people entered the room, two of them shivering like crazy.

"Hey where'd you guys come from?" Jaune asked blinking at the four.

"These three were stuck out in the snow so I managed to get them here since it was closer." Weiss's older sister Winter said not looking bothered by the cold in the slightest.

"Sister!" Weiss said hugging Winter who smiled slightly and hugged her back.

"Hello Weiss. How have you been since we last talked?" Winter asked smiling gently down at her sister who smiled and began to fill her sister in on all the details she considered important.

"What about you sister? How have you been?" Weiss asked as she guided her sister towards the table and sat down next to her, Jaune on her other side while the two shivering teens sat at the table and their not shivering friend joined them.

"You two look frozen to death yet your friend doesn't look bothered." Reese said looking at the three new comers while Winter filled Weiss in on everything she was authorized to tell her sister.

"My semblance deals with fire so the cold doesn't bother me." The dark haired girl with amber eyes said shrugging her shoulders ever so slightly.

"Ruby we need some warm blankets in here!" Yang shouted to her sister who dashed off in a flash of red before dashing back in with several fluffy blankets in her arms.

"Emmy! I didn't know you were still here! You look half frozen!" Ruby said worriedly as she caught sight of the green haired thief before rushing over and covering the two shivering teens in the warm blankets, making them sigh in relief.

"We got caught outside in the snow storm. Ice Queen-"

"Hey!" Both Winter and Weiss squawked at the title.

"found us and got us in here. Cinder isn't effected by the cold thanks to her semblance and Ice Queen-"

"Why does everyone call me that!?" The Schnee sisters yelled as one.

"Is too frozen to feel the cold but me and Mercury…" Emerald trailed off earning some snickers from the rest of the teens due to the two Ice Queens (Hey!) reacting in harmony.

"Ouch. I know that feeling. Hold on a second and I'll have some nice warm tea for all four of you." Ruby said wincing in sympathy before dashing off towards the kitchen and coming back out a few seconds later, placing four cups of steaming tea in front of the new arrivals before dashing into the kitchen and then back out to place a cup of tea in front of Goodwitch.

"Thank you Miss Rose." Goodwitch said smiling at the girl while the four new arrivals were blinking at the red girls speed.

"Weiss why don't you introduce me to your…acquaintances?" Winter asked raising an eyebrow as she looked at her sister who nodded immediately.

"Of course. First we have the teachers who I think you already know. Headmaster Ozpin, Professor Goodwitch, and Professor Port." Weiss said pointing to each of the teachers as she said their names, causing them to nod in greeting to the older Schnee.

"Pleasure." Winter said stiffly as she nodded in return to them.

"Up next are the Haven students, Team ABRN. Arslan over there is the leader. Reese is the green haired girl, Bolin is the black haired boy over there, and the pink haired one is Nadir." Weiss said pointing to each of the four, her eyebrow twitching when she saw Arslan trailing behind Ruby like a puppy, Pyrrha right on her heels.

"Yo." Reese said casually while Bolin and Nadir merely nodded and smiled respectively. Arslan didn't even acknowledge the new comers, she was too focused on Ruby.

"Then there's the second year Team CFVY. The leader is Coco over there, she's tied up for trying to kill Arslan and Pyrrha…, Velvet is the rabbit girl, Fox is the blind boy who despite his blindness is a very good fighter, and Yatsuhashi is the tall silent one." Weiss said pointing to those she named, earning a small timid squeak from Velvet, and nods from the two boys while Coco was still glaring holes in Arslan and Pyrrha.

"She was trying to kill them?" Winter asked raising an eyebrow curiously.

"Most all of us were actually. Yang and Coco were being the most persistent so we had to restrain them after we calmed down. I'll explain more in a minute." Weiss said quickly with a small sheepish smile on her face, earning a nod from her sister.

"Next is our sister team, Team JNPR. The leader is Jaune who…well he's gotten better at least. Next is the bubbly bomber Nora, the one who tries to calm Nora down is Ren…and of course the final member is Pyrrha." Weiss said pointing each of them out. Jaune and Ren merely nodded at the older Schnee, Nora went off on a hyper speed rant on how nice it was to finally meet Weiss's sister until Ren put a hand over her mouth, and Pyrrha ignored everything as she focused on Ruby.

"Finally there is the team I'm a part of, Team RWBY. My teammates are Blake, who is the quiet one, Yang the blond inferno full of horrible puns, and my partner Ruby, the team leader and speedster." Weiss said causing Blake to eye Winter warily before nodding ever so slightly.

"Now there's two Ice Queens, things just got twice as cold around here!" Yang said snickering and earning groans from everyone, even Team ABRN had learned and gotten tired of her puns by now.

"It's nice to finally meet you! Weiss talks about you a lot!" Ruby said happily bounding over and hugging Winter who looked a bit out of her depth at this.

"Ruby my sister is not fond of people she doesn't know well hugging her. Release her." Weiss said pinching the bridge of her nose despite the fact that her voice was tinged with amusement.

"Sorry! I have a habit of doing that a lot! Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!" Ruby yelped as she released Winter who looked faintly amused at Ruby's reaction before a ding sound was heard.

"That was the last of the treats! And you guys better make them last because I'm not making anymore for another two rounds of the game!" Ruby said before taking off into the kitchen, despite all the whining the others at the table were doing.

"Ruby's also an amazing cook and baker, better than most to all of fathers chef's." Weiss said causing Winter's eyes to widen at that.

"Here we go! Here's the treats, and remember you need to make them last!" Ruby said speeding back in and depositing trays upon trays on the table again. Everyone but the four new comers immediately reached for at least one of the treats, Weiss grabbing two and handing one to her sister who looked at it curiously before biting it slightly. Her eyes widened impossibly as she scarfed the rest of that treat down as quickly as she could while still being elegant.

"So do you four want to join the game? Emerald and Winter can be a team and Mercury and Cinder can be a team! Please it'll be fun." Ruby asked causing the four to pause and stare at each other confused before looking at Ruby curiously.

"No tha-" Cinders decline was cut off when Ruby's lip began to tremble as she gave them the 'sad puppy' eyes.

"We'd be happy to." Winter accepted immediately upon seeing the eyes, the three villains nodding dumbly in agreement.

"Yay!"


End file.
